The First of Many

Hello to everyone back home! I'm not sure who all will be reading this but thank you to all of you for taking the time to be interested in my life. I hope that I can fulfill your expectations.
It is now my third day here in Taiwan and already the time has flown by. The subtle, and not so subtle, differences between everyday life in America and that of this nation are so impressive that it is hard to describe the transition. Fortunately for you, I have been taking notes.

On the first day I went to the doctor to get checked out so that the government can see that I truly am not a weapon of biological warfare from the US who has come to infect this nation with some sort of blood-borne illness. The results should come back Monday. Before heading into the doctor, my guide Ray took me to get some food so that my blood sugar would be adequate. We got some simple noodles with a delicious soup and oysters. I immediately went for the hot sauce, because that's just the kind of madman that I am, and dumped a big mound of it in the middle of my soup. Ray's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he said in broken English "You really like spicy!" I have to admit, that made me a little nervous, and he began to laugh and told me good luck with my soup. It was actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be but there was some sweat on my brow that I decided not to make a big deal out of because I'm a man and I can handle the heat.

After lunch and my doctor's visit, Ray decided the best thing for me would be to drop me off in the middle of the city for about 2 hours while he did some other business. I was alright with this and immediately set out to find some interesting photos. It became abundantly clear to me that learning a little more Mandarin than just "hello" and "Have you eaten yet?" would have been a good idea. People openly gawked at me while I strutted down the crowded market street casually dipping into stalls to see what was on tap for the day. There was some very interesting fare on the menu, but to my disappointment there was not a single dog or cat hanging from a meat hook. There is still plenty of time I suppose.

The amazing thing that I've noticed already is the devout nature of Taiwan worship. There were three gorgeous temples within 100 yards of each other in one section of the city. At each temple there was a large, intricately carved roof with sloping angles and elaborate ornamentation. In front of the building there is usually a large bowl that is filled with burning incense sticks which anyone can light and place. Holding the sticks upright is the months, I'd guess, worth of ash from other incense which has piled up nicely. The photos cannot do the real thing any justice, but I tried to give some impression of the magnitude of detail represented at these buildings. Pillars of rock which are covered from top to bottom in battle scenes or dragons, ceilings which rival the Sistine Chapel for the ability to put a kink in your neck, and roof tops which are packed with so much adornment it's a wonder they don't cave in. I had the impression while standing in front of the most impressive statue I've ever gazed upon that a schizophrenic savant with a pound of psychedelic mushrooms could not come up with a more detailed and beautiful display. Truly a wonderful way to start a trip.

My first attempt at purchasing a food item went reasonably well. I pointed to a custard pastry, the girl behind the counter asked me something which I could not understand, I nodded in reply like a doe eyed mute, and the food was handed to me. All in all, a successful application of global economics on a micro scale. Further transactions have proved less fruitful however.

While walking around the market and gazing at the beautiful fruit which I had not known existed until that moment, I heard someone calling my name. The idea that someone in Taiwan would be calling my name momentarily blindsided me, and my mind was so flustered it briefly shut down while I was standing in the middle of a street. "I only knew one person in the whole damn country" I remember thinking, and sure enough, it was Ray. He was holding a few bags of food and gave me a polite handshake, mind you we were still standing in the middle of a road and people on scooters were scooting past us in every direction. He asked me how I was, if I had seen the temple, and then said he would pick me up outside a nearby building in about half an hour. I felt totally badass as I walked away from our handshake because I knew that everyone saw me and would assume that I was important because even other Taiwanese people want to stop and talk to me in the street. But then again, they all look at me like I'm an alien anyway so who knows what they were thinking.

All of that occurred before one o'clock in the afternoon. Truly mind boggling for me.

After the sun went down and it looked like I was going to need a place to stay, Ray drove me to a motel for the night. We pull into a grand archway that says "MOTEL" in neon across the top and I feel at home. Ray tells me as we're paying for the room that this place is popular for people who want to come to have sex. Yes, you read that correctly, he took me to a motel where people normally spend the night so they can get it on. I'm staying in a love shack. I asked whether they provided internet and he told me "They have no internet, not enough time." What he meant of course was that people coming here were not interested in the internet, they had other things to occupy their minds.

Throughout the compound of two story buildings which make up the motel, there is a P.A. system which was playing Beethoven. I found this to be a delightful way to greet people who are about to fornicate, take some notes Motel 6.

When we got to the room I was surprised to see that it was spacious and well furnished. The bathroom is actually pretty large and has both a tub and stand up shower which is unusual for Taiwan. The only way anyone who was not from here would have any impression that this was a love shack is the complimentary condom on the nightstand. Very classy.

The room is actually quite nice and I am writing this post while sitting on the bed right now. I have been here for two nights now and will stay here until Monday when I can hopefully move into my apartment. The only issue I've come across is that on the first night, at 2:40am, there was some sort of problem with a crazy woman outside my room. She was screaming at the top of her lungs off and on for over an hour. It sounded to me, with my 12 hours worth of Mandarin experience, like she had caught her husband with another woman. That or someone chopped one of her fingers off and dipped the bloody nub into a bucket of margarita salt, it could really go either way.

In the morning I thought about the experience and it made me laugh because it reminded me of the movie Big from the eighties when he has to sleep in the garbage pile of a hotel room for the first night and there's a fight going on outside and he curls up and whimpers to himself. The only difference was that I was cool as a cucumber and continued to sleep, because that's just the kind of guy I am. (For the record Tom Hanks is a pansy and probably wears women's underwear)

Well, that's about all I can think of for the moment. Other than to say that last night I bought a bottle of Brandy at the liquor store to celebrate my success and got mildly drunk while watching Sex and the City reruns on cable.

I'll write another post when I've got some more interesting things to say.